I know. I haven't updated in a while and there is no excuse this time. Life happened. I was meaning to update July of last year but having been immersed in an all new work environment at that time made it impossible to be alone with my mind. I do recall I managed to write you about conflicting career paths, and at that time, I was in the middle of my teaching career. That school year between 2016-2017 had taught me well and taught me good. I loved it, despite all the problems that it brought to my already trouble-laden life. However, I don't know if I loved it because I loved teaching or did I love it because of the kids I worked for? That is beyond me to comprehend right now. But I can honestly say that I genuinely enjoyed my time spent with those kids and I wouldn't ever change it for the world. There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss who I am when I was with them. When all is said and done, I realized that I only need one thing from whatever chose...
I know. I know it's been months since I've tapped my little brain out and bleed into these blog pages. And this time, I won't even be bothered to attempt to make an excuse, it's just that life happened. Life, in a sense that my entire 2018 was such a big pain in the ass from beginning to end. It was such a hard year for me physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually -- it was just a big disaster and at one point, I honestly thought it wasn't going to get better. But it did. Slowly. Unnoticeable. Subtle. It did. 2019 started out quite ordinarily. I had nothing in my mind when the year began, didn't even plan anything to begin with. I was just set on living life on the day, not bothered by what the future could bring, not imagining where my life would take me next. I was just merely existing because I had to. It began as mundane as it could be, to the point that I actually began asking the universe for a plot twist, a "thrill", a rollercoaster ride....
The last time I wrote in here was in the car-wreck that is 2020. Has a lot changed since then? Not really. Minutely, I guess. I still am working in the same hospital, same department, with roughly the same people. No new updates on my love life either. On the other hand, the cases of COVID 19 has dwindled down as of late, and things have been slowly getting back to pre-pandemic days . Health-wise though? That's where things have gone a whole lot sketchier. I really just could not catch a break. In a few week's time, I will know whether or not I actually have cancer. Huh. How do I feel about that? I can't say I am 100% shocked, to be honest. I've always had this inkling that I'd die young. I remembered telling one of my bestfriends back in the day (we were around 15/16ish), that yes, I had a feeling I wouldn't make it past 40.. or 30 even. Of course, I never thought about it too much, but somehow, it just makes me think. I have always been right about things ...
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