2019
I know. I know it's been months since I've tapped my little brain out and bleed into these blog pages. And this time, I won't even be bothered to attempt to make an excuse, it's just that life happened. Life, in a sense that my entire 2018 was such a big pain in the ass from beginning to end. It was such a hard year for me physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually -- it was just a big disaster and at one point, I honestly thought it wasn't going to get better. But it did. Slowly. Unnoticeable. Subtle. It did.
2019 started out quite ordinarily. I had nothing in my mind when the year began, didn't even plan anything to begin with. I was just set on living life on the day, not bothered by what the future could bring, not imagining where my life would take me next. I was just merely existing because I had to. It began as mundane as it could be, to the point that I actually began asking the universe for a plot twist, a "thrill", a rollercoaster ride. And lo and behold, I got I wished for, cause truly, when it rains, it pours. Slash that. It storms.
Coming into March, I never really expected anything to happen. Of course, adjustments had to be made because I started a job on January, the 3rd out of my 5 closest friends just hopped on a plane to live midway across the world, and I was still dealing with a medical disorder that could've subjected me to a radioactive kind of therapy, and on top of that, I was still struggling with some internal remnants of what 2018 brought to me. I know it doesn't sound as monotonous as I painted it to be, but I kind of convinced my brain that it was nothing out of the ordinary -- maybe because I know I had to protect myself somehow from the pains of anxiety and stress? Maybe.
And then, for some reason, life finally decided to play with my fate a little bit. And man, I laughed at the hilarity of the joke that the universe has pulled beneath me. I mean, I wish I could talk about it right now, but I think I still need ample time to go through the waves of my emotions and my thoughts, because I don't want them to be prematurely understood as this is such a big turn for me, a big plot twist if you may. Not that it hurts me, but it's just one of those "I-still-can't-believe-it's-happening" kind of things slash "I-actually-am-happy-that-it's-happening" thing as well. Overall, yes, I'm actually fine with it, which really shocked me because I was honestly expecting to break down over it, and I still am. Which is why I still feel the need to force myself to really delve deeper into my own noggin and all.
Having said that though, this news felt like a new start for me. It's actually weird if you really know the details behind it, but yeah, it feels like it's the sign that I really needed for a long time to actually move forward in my life and just fly. Cause I've been stuck in this ginormous hole I dug for myself for years, and for some reason, I am now ready to actually climb up the hole and re-emerge back into society and maybe, if I'm lucky enough, be able to find myself and my footing again before this year ends.
So maybe that's it for now, as it's still really early in the morning and I still have to get things done and get ready for work. I'll write when I can, and hopefully by that time, I'm able to have a fuller grasp on this specific shenanigan in my life. Until then!
2019 started out quite ordinarily. I had nothing in my mind when the year began, didn't even plan anything to begin with. I was just set on living life on the day, not bothered by what the future could bring, not imagining where my life would take me next. I was just merely existing because I had to. It began as mundane as it could be, to the point that I actually began asking the universe for a plot twist, a "thrill", a rollercoaster ride. And lo and behold, I got I wished for, cause truly, when it rains, it pours. Slash that. It storms.
Coming into March, I never really expected anything to happen. Of course, adjustments had to be made because I started a job on January, the 3rd out of my 5 closest friends just hopped on a plane to live midway across the world, and I was still dealing with a medical disorder that could've subjected me to a radioactive kind of therapy, and on top of that, I was still struggling with some internal remnants of what 2018 brought to me. I know it doesn't sound as monotonous as I painted it to be, but I kind of convinced my brain that it was nothing out of the ordinary -- maybe because I know I had to protect myself somehow from the pains of anxiety and stress? Maybe.
And then, for some reason, life finally decided to play with my fate a little bit. And man, I laughed at the hilarity of the joke that the universe has pulled beneath me. I mean, I wish I could talk about it right now, but I think I still need ample time to go through the waves of my emotions and my thoughts, because I don't want them to be prematurely understood as this is such a big turn for me, a big plot twist if you may. Not that it hurts me, but it's just one of those "I-still-can't-believe-it's-happening" kind of things slash "I-actually-am-happy-that-it's-happening" thing as well. Overall, yes, I'm actually fine with it, which really shocked me because I was honestly expecting to break down over it, and I still am. Which is why I still feel the need to force myself to really delve deeper into my own noggin and all.
Having said that though, this news felt like a new start for me. It's actually weird if you really know the details behind it, but yeah, it feels like it's the sign that I really needed for a long time to actually move forward in my life and just fly. Cause I've been stuck in this ginormous hole I dug for myself for years, and for some reason, I am now ready to actually climb up the hole and re-emerge back into society and maybe, if I'm lucky enough, be able to find myself and my footing again before this year ends.
So maybe that's it for now, as it's still really early in the morning and I still have to get things done and get ready for work. I'll write when I can, and hopefully by that time, I'm able to have a fuller grasp on this specific shenanigan in my life. Until then!
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