Sometimes I wonder...
So for the previous three to four days of my life, I have been in TinyChat relentlessly in the hopes of seeing one of the Cimorelli sisters live on cam. I don't know what's going on with me. It's like from the moment I wake up down to the moment I sleep, all I think about is "are they ON? I hope they'd go on tomorrow" or something along those lines.
Anyway, I'm being a weirdo again. A dose of loneliness doesn't do anything good to me. It just makes me insecure, self-pitying and a lot more. I always feel like I'm the 'unwanted' one. The one who everybody doesn't wanna talk to. Maybe because I lack the spontaneity and I'm pretty boring. I tried to be fun and normal once, but the only thing it did was heightening up my confusing thoughts about myself.
Is this an identity-crisis? or am I just really going crazy? Maybe.
Urghh. Life just kind of sucks sometimes. It's Christmas, but I feel empty. It's like nothing pretty much is going to happen. Like my life is in a trance, and I'm just a spectator as other people's lives begin blossoming. I'm a trainwreck.
Sometimes I wonder whether I have Schizophrenia xD My thoughts are having like one of the disease's positive symptoms, "associative looseness" and sometimes I feel "anhedonic".
Oh gosh! I don't know what to do anymore :(
But I know that someday, in the future, I'd get back and read this entry and laugh at it. Optimism baby, optimism :)
Anyhow, because of the boredom created while we were waiting in the chat room for the sissies, ate Chin and I were able to come up with this artwork xD
So, I'm gonna refresh myself, have lunch and wait for my thesis groupmates to come over and have a meeting :)
Anyway, I'm being a weirdo again. A dose of loneliness doesn't do anything good to me. It just makes me insecure, self-pitying and a lot more. I always feel like I'm the 'unwanted' one. The one who everybody doesn't wanna talk to. Maybe because I lack the spontaneity and I'm pretty boring. I tried to be fun and normal once, but the only thing it did was heightening up my confusing thoughts about myself.
Is this an identity-crisis? or am I just really going crazy? Maybe.
Urghh. Life just kind of sucks sometimes. It's Christmas, but I feel empty. It's like nothing pretty much is going to happen. Like my life is in a trance, and I'm just a spectator as other people's lives begin blossoming. I'm a trainwreck.
Sometimes I wonder whether I have Schizophrenia xD My thoughts are having like one of the disease's positive symptoms, "associative looseness" and sometimes I feel "anhedonic".
Oh gosh! I don't know what to do anymore :(
But I know that someday, in the future, I'd get back and read this entry and laugh at it. Optimism baby, optimism :)
Anyhow, because of the boredom created while we were waiting in the chat room for the sissies, ate Chin and I were able to come up with this artwork xD
So, I'm gonna refresh myself, have lunch and wait for my thesis groupmates to come over and have a meeting :)
Comments
Post a Comment