Last quarter of 2019...

Wow. That fast huh? I mean, just one? One entry since 2019 started? Guess I have been extremely busy with life and all the shenanigans this job has given me thus far, not that I have any other engagements besides my job. I mean, if anything, my life revolves around my job since March to be honest. And before you go off with the entire lecture of healthy "work/life" balance, save me the grief because I am fully aware of how unhealthy my life has been. I still am trying to figure out a routine (HA. Routine my ass, I have changing shifts every week) and how to get around things in order to re-accommodate workouts, meal preps, and societal obligations into my life. 

Anyway, let's back track a little bit. Last entry, I talked about processing something. And process I did. I really didn't have to process that much, I was just a little careful about saying things prematurely, since I wanted to be sure of how I feel about it and I wasn't just making use of my coping mechanisms and impulsively reacting to the situation.

So yeah, I am just elated that I really am okay with what happened. No hard feelings. No grudges. Nothing negative. In fact, I truly am happy for them that they found their happy ever after. I remember sitting in one of the church's pews on their wedding day, expecting my heart to somehow sting a little bit, but it did not. Not even a pinch. It was just pure happiness for him, for them. If there's one thing that I regret though, it's that I spent this length of a time stuck in an imaginary reality (oh the irony of that statement) that I conjured for so long in my head, to the point that I kind of wasted the years that I should've spent exploring elsewhere. But oh well, I can't undo what already happened. Maybe it happened for a reason? I hope so. Cause man, I am nearing the big 30 and I am yet to let go of my training wheels, if you know what I mean.

Enough of that, let's talk about my job and how I'm doing in it. I will be honest with you, this job had me (still has me) on my knees on the day. I kid you not, I have never cried so much because of a job ever, not until this one. At one point, I seriously was just one quarter of an inch away to passing a resignation letter and just leave this arena for good. But I stuck with it, because a) I didn't want to disappoint people... again and b) I wouldn't know what to do with my life should I quit. I mean, I don't want to go push the restart button again when it comes to my professional journey. 

I am just living my life day by day. It's boring in a way, and the only thrill that I get is from the things I encounter at work. I know it'll get better, it has to. I hope my patience will reward me someday, in God's glory. 

On that note, I have to go now -- things to do and all. See ya next entry!