Softie for children..
So, a couple of hours ago, I woke up with a big grin on my face because I dreamed about her -- my angel. She was tugging at my leg, with her dark brown hair in piggy tails and she looks at me with those big brown eyes as she purred Mommy, mommy.
It was by far the best dream I ever had, really. And just to clarify things, no I'm not pregnant and never was and never tried to be. Haha! It's just that I am really anticipating the joys of motherhood. I know I'm too young and I still have a lot of things in store for me, but she just melts my heart.
Eversince I was a child, I always had this thing with babies. I vividly remember how much I wanted to take those babies shown in commercials and snatch them out of the telly, how my toddler heart just wants a little baby, how my little arms stretched open if I met a baby. I also remember how my little heart actually flutters when I hear somebody's pregnant in the family and I remembered how I forced myself to babysit infants even though I was merely 2-3 years old and how I anticipate visiting a house with a baby in it. And that thing actually stuck to me until now. Babies just fascinate me, the inquisitive nature of toddlers really gets into me. I just melt everytime I'm with children, it's like heaven really.
I went to church a couple of hours ago, and apparently, a little toddler (who, by the way, is the nephew of my used-to-be love of my life) actually wanted me to sit beside him. And it felt really good how the little guy just marveled at me, playing with my hair, smiling at me whenever I look at him, how he wanted to be carried, how he dragged me into something he liked to do. Gaaah, it was heart warming and I couldn't help but smile. (Although it really was a distracting thing since I was attending a mass but yeah).
The knowledge of the fact that uhm I may have, well, difficulty in getting pregnant in the future just twists my guts. It's probably the most heartbreaking fact that I have ever known really. And that knowledge just fueled my longing for her. Eversince I got the diagnosis, all I can think about is her -- her smiles, her chubby little legs, her eyes, just her.
While people my age (generally speaking), is out and about pursuing their dreams, having a good time, hanging out with friends, dating and etc, I on the other hand, spend most of my time with my mind thinking about her.This is my life as a 19 year old.
Everytime I do meet a baby, I marvel at them to the point of actually kind of embarrassing myself. My friends say that I'm really insane sometimes, and I couldn't agree more. Life made me like this, and I wouldn't change a thing about it.
My source of joy and happiness is just really simple. You give me a baby to take care of, and I'll be fairing well forever, I think. :D I can't wait to have one of my own, a baby I can call mine :''') I just have a really soft spot for children, it's one thing I can't shake off myself. And again, I wouldn't want a change thing.
It was by far the best dream I ever had, really. And just to clarify things, no I'm not pregnant and never was and never tried to be. Haha! It's just that I am really anticipating the joys of motherhood. I know I'm too young and I still have a lot of things in store for me, but she just melts my heart.
Eversince I was a child, I always had this thing with babies. I vividly remember how much I wanted to take those babies shown in commercials and snatch them out of the telly, how my toddler heart just wants a little baby, how my little arms stretched open if I met a baby. I also remember how my little heart actually flutters when I hear somebody's pregnant in the family and I remembered how I forced myself to babysit infants even though I was merely 2-3 years old and how I anticipate visiting a house with a baby in it. And that thing actually stuck to me until now. Babies just fascinate me, the inquisitive nature of toddlers really gets into me. I just melt everytime I'm with children, it's like heaven really.
I went to church a couple of hours ago, and apparently, a little toddler (who, by the way, is the nephew of my used-to-be love of my life) actually wanted me to sit beside him. And it felt really good how the little guy just marveled at me, playing with my hair, smiling at me whenever I look at him, how he wanted to be carried, how he dragged me into something he liked to do. Gaaah, it was heart warming and I couldn't help but smile. (Although it really was a distracting thing since I was attending a mass but yeah).
The knowledge of the fact that uhm I may have, well, difficulty in getting pregnant in the future just twists my guts. It's probably the most heartbreaking fact that I have ever known really. And that knowledge just fueled my longing for her. Eversince I got the diagnosis, all I can think about is her -- her smiles, her chubby little legs, her eyes, just her.
While people my age (generally speaking), is out and about pursuing their dreams, having a good time, hanging out with friends, dating and etc, I on the other hand, spend most of my time with my mind thinking about her.This is my life as a 19 year old.
Everytime I do meet a baby, I marvel at them to the point of actually kind of embarrassing myself. My friends say that I'm really insane sometimes, and I couldn't agree more. Life made me like this, and I wouldn't change a thing about it.
My source of joy and happiness is just really simple. You give me a baby to take care of, and I'll be fairing well forever, I think. :D I can't wait to have one of my own, a baby I can call mine :''') I just have a really soft spot for children, it's one thing I can't shake off myself. And again, I wouldn't want a change thing.
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