Mid 2020 (of Coronavirus, Frontlining, and whatnots)
Disaster.
That is what 2020 has been thus far. I wish I can tell you that this year has been better than 2019 was (as I initially aimed it to be), but it isn't, heck it is a hundred times worse than the latter.
Let's see? The year started out with volcanoes erupting, earthquakes, wars, tons of deaths, and the baddest bitch of them all -- Corona. Life has been topsy turvy since then, nothing has been the same, things are just chaotic hitherto. The world is in shambles and there is no sight of it getting better (or at least the Philippines) any time soon.
So yeah, I still am working in the hospital up till now. Battling the frontlines, going to work despite the everyday fear of getting the virus. Thankfully though, there hasn't been a huge influx of Covid positive patients where I work (knock on wood), but then again, we are still in the beginning phase of it all so who knows? I still work in labor and delivery, and I still love my job, but it just is hard sometimes to see where this will lead to given the current circumstances.
On a completely different note, my health is still crap. I thought my thyroid problem was getting better, but it turned out otherwise. I started on Levoythyroxine just a few days ago and who knows how my body will take this medication. And yes, my PCOS is getting worse and I just couldn't do what it takes to somehow have a control on it. I don't know, my mind is in complete utter disarray and it just is frustrating because I know what needs to be done, but somehow I just can't / wouldn't do it. It's like my mind is protecting itself from a possible breakdown or something. I feel like if I let myself wallow in the rivers of my cerebral processes, I will definitely end up drowning in the waves of dark thoughts and anxiety, which I just am not ready to delve into again. I don't know if I have the capacity to survive it if I let it come in.
That being said, the only thing that is grounding me to this Earth right now is my job. I have a love-hate relationship with it, but at the end of the day, it is what makes me occupied.
Anyhow, my thoughts are just not in order lately and I can't seem to write cohesively as it has been quite a while since I last wrote something. I do have a lot of thoughts and pent-up emotions that I know I need to write about, but it's hard to get back into it. I feel like I've lost the ability to actually write well.
So I'm just gonna leave this here, and see if I can muster what I can to get back in the swing of things.
And please, 2020, stop being crazy and calm down!
That is what 2020 has been thus far. I wish I can tell you that this year has been better than 2019 was (as I initially aimed it to be), but it isn't, heck it is a hundred times worse than the latter.
Let's see? The year started out with volcanoes erupting, earthquakes, wars, tons of deaths, and the baddest bitch of them all -- Corona. Life has been topsy turvy since then, nothing has been the same, things are just chaotic hitherto. The world is in shambles and there is no sight of it getting better (or at least the Philippines) any time soon.
So yeah, I still am working in the hospital up till now. Battling the frontlines, going to work despite the everyday fear of getting the virus. Thankfully though, there hasn't been a huge influx of Covid positive patients where I work (knock on wood), but then again, we are still in the beginning phase of it all so who knows? I still work in labor and delivery, and I still love my job, but it just is hard sometimes to see where this will lead to given the current circumstances.
On a completely different note, my health is still crap. I thought my thyroid problem was getting better, but it turned out otherwise. I started on Levoythyroxine just a few days ago and who knows how my body will take this medication. And yes, my PCOS is getting worse and I just couldn't do what it takes to somehow have a control on it. I don't know, my mind is in complete utter disarray and it just is frustrating because I know what needs to be done, but somehow I just can't / wouldn't do it. It's like my mind is protecting itself from a possible breakdown or something. I feel like if I let myself wallow in the rivers of my cerebral processes, I will definitely end up drowning in the waves of dark thoughts and anxiety, which I just am not ready to delve into again. I don't know if I have the capacity to survive it if I let it come in.
That being said, the only thing that is grounding me to this Earth right now is my job. I have a love-hate relationship with it, but at the end of the day, it is what makes me occupied.
Anyhow, my thoughts are just not in order lately and I can't seem to write cohesively as it has been quite a while since I last wrote something. I do have a lot of thoughts and pent-up emotions that I know I need to write about, but it's hard to get back into it. I feel like I've lost the ability to actually write well.
So I'm just gonna leave this here, and see if I can muster what I can to get back in the swing of things.
And please, 2020, stop being crazy and calm down!
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