For I am a dreamer...

So, a couple of hours ago, I woke up with a big grin on my face because I dreamed about her --   my angel . She was tugging at my leg, with her dark brown hair in piggy tails and she looks at me with those big brown eyes as she purred Mommy, mommy . It was by far the best dream I ever had, really. And just to clarify things, no I'm not pregnant and never was and never tried to be. Haha! It's just that I am really anticipating the joys of motherhood. I know I'm too young and I still have a lot of things in store for me, but she  just melts my heart. Eversince I was a child, I always had this thing with babies. I vividly remember how much I wanted to take those babies shown in commercials and snatch them out of the telly, how my toddler heart just wants a little baby, how my little arms stretched open if I met a baby. I also remember how my little heart actually flutters when I hear somebody's pregnant in the family and I remembered how I forced myself to babysit inf...

Exactly 8:12 in the evening on the 4th of May. I cannot formulate a decent train of thought at this very moment since I ingested a wee bit of alcohol a while ago. :p I'm not tipsy nor drunk but I have a wee bit of a headache. So, I went for a simple celebration with just seven precious friends of mine. I am not really fond of having a lot of people over. I love small, quality time with the people I truly love. So, my birthday went really great in the context of my own standard of  "great". Here are my 19th year goals: As I say goodbye to my 18th, I will bury with it my feelings and thoughts for someone whom I really did give my heart to for 5 years, despite not having anything in return.  I realized "We" can never happen, and I think I waited for enough time for us to be "us", but I guess it never was meant to be. And he has someone now, and I think he is really happy. So there's no use for hoping and I really need to get on with...

It's playing inside my head, the moment I will meet you. Will it be in the beach? In an office? In a mall? In a concert? I don't know. I hardly know anything about it. My guess is as good as finding a needle in a haystack. I don't know who you are. I don't even know if we've met already , or we've bumped into each other or just walked right pass each other. The pang of loneliness that life gives me often makes me giddy and impatient to finally look in your eyes. Everytime I read about love, sing about love, write about love, there's this wretched feeling of incompleteness enveloping me and I can't help but pray that I'd be meeting you sooner. It's arduous, waiting for you. Even more arduous not knowing who you are. It's agonizing. But I have faith in God, that you'll arrive in the right time. Although sometimes though, I push myself too hard on Him and just tell Him that I'm ready for a relationship, but then again, He doesn...

I'm more than grateful for my life. Yes, I admit. I can be a total whiner sometimes. I whine about the littlest of things, like how I don't have this and that, of how I don't have a boyfriend, of how I ended up with what and things. Oh yeah. But yesterday gave me a time to recollect. A time to take a look at my life and stop whining, instead, I started to become even more thankful. Yesterday was spent with my ever-dearest close friends. I'm not usually the type of girl who loves to go out and hang out. I am an introvert who loves to stay at home and endlessly cuddle with my computer the whole day. But I strayed from my usual routine yesterday. I don't know why really, but I just felt this thing inside me that made me want to go out and have fun with my girls. I spent the whole afternoon at a close friend's house, and then came back to have another friend for a sleepover. And seeing her asleep right now is sending multitudes of gratitude inside me. You se...

I'm not going back to him. It's not because I hate him but mainly because I've gotten to know myself more. I've grown. And finally because I have dreams, bigger than my dreams being with him. And whether he responds or not, it doesn't even matter. Cause I'm already gone... Nevertheless, I wanna thank him for an experience so unique. He is my childhood friend/sweetheart. I don't know if he still can remember though. We went to the same schools together, we transferred to the same school on the same year. Practically like twins, I must say. And I became a teen and my stupid (not to mention dysfunctional) hormones went into frenzy and made the butterflies in my stomach nuts when I saw him. In short, it made my heart fall for him. HARD. For 5 years. Unrequited love, yeah. But it's okay, maybe we weren't really meant to be together. Just friends. I finally am able to accept it, after 5 loooooong years. I now have dreams bigger and better than yo...

If the sun refuses to shine, I'll be there. If the rain refuses to fall,I'll be there. I'll be there through it all. Life isn't fair, it's not designed to be. Life is unpredictable as it can be. I'll be there through it all. Love can be sweet, warm if it goes good. Love can be tormenting if it goes otherwise. I'll be there through it all. Friends may come, friends may go. Friends laugh with you, friends cry with you. I'll be there through it all. If you feel down and troubled with thoughts, If life treats you poorly, I'll be there through it all. If you're feeling happy and dandy, And want someone to share it with, I'll be there through it all. Live life my darling, live life good! Live life confident, live life as you should! I'll be there through it all. I'll be there through it all. I will be... (Spun in less than 5 minutes! Oh, the trouble I create when I'm bored!)

Finally, I was able to finish making my graphics for one of @insanecimorelli's poems :) 1) grayish touch 2) colorful

Hey. In behalf of the hate tweets you received from the CimFam, I apologize. I really do, for the hate tweets you received earlier. It's just that we think the girls really don't deserve such mean comments. (And same goes to you, so sorry for the tweets you received) I know nobody can please everybody, and it doesn't excempt them nor does it excempt Austin and Cody. But everyone deserves respect, do they? That's why I'm taking time to actually tweet you in a civil manner. I know we are all entitled to our opinions, but I think how we deliver such opinions matter :) The way you tweeted Lauren earlier was offensive. I know you tried your best to not sound offensive, but it came off as such on our perspective. And I don't think a 13-year old deserves to be treated like that, or any other young girl, I believe, like you. So, it hurts me to know that she was able to read those tweets (and it somehow hurts me that you received hate tweets too). Lauren's a ver...

I am really tired of people making me hope for something to happen, telling me that I'll get this if I do that, that eventually I'll have what I want. But no, every stinking promise goes down the drain. Every single time. I tried my hardest in everything that I did, improved my grades, maintained my scholarship, be a good girl, never go out, not drink, not smoke, never give 'em heart attacks by coming home late. Yet, every single effort of mine seemed to be wasted. I know I should've done those things not for the rewards that I get, but for myself. For my own health and safety. However, they always have something to offer me every time. And I, being a teenager born in this technological era, couldn't resist but fall into their schemes and get my hopes too high. But in the end, to no avail. I'm tired of keeping my hopes high, I'm tired of depending on 'em, I'm tired of their broken promises. I'm just sooo tired. :(

Yeah. My heart is tired. From loving, from waiting, from providing my body with oxygen, from pumping, from everything. I'm too tired of it's fragility. My brain's fighting to strengthen my heart, but my heart refuses to cooperate with the brain. Why does this have to happen? A while ago, I felt rejuvenated, alive, full of zest. Now, I feel like a total mess! Every time I stop and listen to my heart, it pounds loudly that it hurts.. sooo feeskin' much! I don't know if this is a  medical condition that needs attention or whether it's just brought about by my insane hormones. *deep sigh* I think it's time for me to stop caring for it too much and let it go on it's own way. It's getting tired of the walls that my brain builds around it. My brain is too much of a protector, my heart is too much of a weakling. What to do? What to do? Fact is, I don't know to whom my heart is achin' for. When I think about the previous one, I couldn't come...

C.I.M.O.R.E.L.L.I Oh how they changed the course of my life. Christina Lynne, Katherine Ann and Lisa Michelle, Amy Elizabeth, Lauren Christine and the youngest Danielle. Oh! I think I forgot to add it in, Danielle's middle name is Nicole, not really the youngest of 11 siblings. Yeah, just to give you a clue, They also have 5 brothers who can sing too... The oldest being Mike Jr, age 23, Followed by Alex, Christian, Nick and Joey, Currently 15, 10, 9 and 7 respectively, All beautifully raised by Lynne and Mike Cimorelli... Oh the girls are 21, 20, 18, 16, 13 and 11, And once they start singing, you'll have a taste of heaven :) So go and check them on youtube.com, Search "Cimorelli" because they're the bomb!!!!

I saw, you posted... "She's already gone", you said. I flinched and wished you knew, That my heart also bled for you. Bled -- because she left you alone, Bled -- for your heart is torn. "If only", I sighed to myself. If only you knew what my heart felt. "I'm here", I would've verbalized, If only I lived right by your side. What can I do, we're oceans apart, If only I can just mend your broken heart. I'll just watch from afar, Even though it pains me. To see you crumble for her, And yet "her" doesn't realize how blessed is she. I guess life is just like that, Things happen -- whether we like it or not. I do hope that you'd be okay in no time, And face anew, this thing called life. God just has HIS purposes in HIS mind, For you yearning her, her taking a stride, And me hoping that "we" may happen, If only.. If only you knew that I existed...

Behind those small brown eyes, a story to be told, A girl who seemed strong, fierce and bold. But no, no, no - that's on the outside, This girl's pain is nowhere near sight. Pain from being misunderstood even by the people she kept close. Pain brought about by her painstaking loss, Of her identity because of what others said. Pain from loving someone who never knew she existed. She almost gave up, yes she did. The light was too elusive for her sight. She crumbled, she screeched -- her unheard creed, But her face showed no sign of grief. For she doesn't wanna let anyone know, Including her friends, family, and all the ones she kept close, To see her weak, vulnerable and worthless, So a smile she showed -- which was the hardest. So, take a look again of my small brown eyes, See not the color, not the shape nor the size, Look deeper, and tell me what you see. Save me... Cause I need you.. I need you to save me.. Save me from this monster dwelling insid...

I've made one mistake, they tell me I can't undo. Just one wrong choice, and my life will forever be skewed. I cannot follow excellence if my heart's not in it, So listen please, oh no- I think my time has ended. Yes, I chose Nursing on my own. But I made the wrong choice, they pushed me on. Saying I have to finish because I started this, Closing all my options, disregarding my lists. They already have it in their minds, What I'll be, my job, pushing my own voice aside. They already envisioned me as a nurse, Well, have they thought about my heart and it's voice? I think about my dream, of my heart's deepest desire, With pens and papers, passion's lighting like fire. But then I have to stop and halt my train of thoughts, Because I will never have that life -- forever in sought. Writers -- underappreciated, underpaid, not in demand. Nurses abroad, payrolls, big cash on hand. Big house, cars, tours and travels, The...

Katherine Ann Cimorelli :D Happy 20th birthday to one of my angels! May God continue to bless you! Love you always :)

(This was a paper I wrote for my English subject back when I was in 4th year highscool, approximately 3 years ago, it's about love and valentines.. hahaha.. posting it here for safe-keeping) DEFINE THE INDEFINABLE                     “Valentines again”, I sighed to myself. It’s the season of the lovebirds, the deeply in love.                 Speaking of love. I stared at nowhere. I sighed again.. Love… Four-letter word yet somehow, it’s like the most complicated thing that ever existed in this universe. It’s like the scorching heat of a fire; you can never know when it is warming your heart or whether it’s burning down your whole humanity.                 They said that there is somehow a designated person for everyone out there, but I serio...

So, eversince I was in 2nd year highschool (prolly 5 years ago), I started this weird hobby of mine -- collecting and making baby names :) And lately, I've been trying hard to finally set on names for my future children. Just a while ago, I made a FINAL decision on the probable names of my future daughters.. lol.. :D (in no particular order) Lisa Emmeline Rose (Lisa - from Lisa Cimorelli , Emmeline - from my very inspiring Clinical Instructor, Rose - from Rosalie Cullen) Lauren Faith Gabrielle (Lauren - from Lauren Cimorelli, Faith is a virtue name that I do love and practice, Gabrielle - from one of the angels) Amy Francesca Elle (Amy -from Amy Cimorelli, Francesca - from one of the local authors here that I like, Elle - derivation from Ella from Ella Enchanted, a character whom I adore :) ) Danielle Althea Nicole (Danielle and Nicole - from Dani Cimorelli, Althea - a name I happen to love, that is of greek origin meaning HEALER) :) Katherine Sophia Ann (Katherine and Ann...

I don't know what led me to think about this. It's not usual for me to actually long for that relationship that is yet to come. Maybe because I was surrounded by lovers during my 2-week duty away from home. One of my close friends always had her special someone with her wherever we go, so I think that's what triggered me the most. Sometimes, especially after watching a romantic film, I'd get all so tangled up with the story to the point of actually wondering and longing for that 'man' that would do the same things that guy in the movie did to his loved one. I mean, I can't wait to experience to be loved by someone (aside from family and friends ofcourse), to have someone to cuddle with while watching a movie, to have someone to drive the rough roads with, to have someone to sing love songs to, to have those arms wrapped around me when I need refuge, who'll call me "beautiful", who'll kiss my forehead... *sighs*. For 18 years of my life,...

It's 3:14 am, and I'm letting my tears freely pour forth while gracing my ears with the wonderful cover of  "I won't give up (originally by Jason Mraz) " by Cimorelli :') You girls just know how to cheer me up! I've been wanting to give up (not necessarily on love) on a loooot of things in my life right now. I am just at the brink of actually letting go of certain things, of actually letting my guard down. And here you girls are, singing a song that somehow whispers to me not to give up. I don't know if that's pure coincidence or not. Gaaah! I just can't imagine what my life could have been had I not stumble upon that "Skyscraper" video of yours last August :') I know you girls have heard a looooooot of times of how you changed people's lives but then again, I will say it cause it really holds the truth. You've seriously changed my viewpoints about life, about God, about human existence, about the definition of beautif...

(this post is for the Cimorelli girls) WAAAAAAAAAAAH! (I successfully tried to hide the screaming and the crying part when we Skyped, but it took like hours to condition myself not to..) Anyhow, thank you! I had a great time skyping with your girls. Sorry, if well, I acted weird and stuff. I do feel like I haven't answered some questions that you asked. My mind was fighting against myself to shut down. :) And it was nerve-wracking to talk to you guys. So, here are some of the questions you asked that I felt like I poorly responded to: 1.) Favorite food of the Filipinos: > I think it varies place to place, region to region and stuffs :) But like a lot of Asians, we love to eat rice (generally speaking). Our meals wouldn't be complete without rice :)  and our national food is "lechon" (the roasted pig) (I don't really like to eat this, but generally, Filipinos love it. It's an important food during fiestas too) But on personal ...

I've been bullied relentlessly back then. People tease me all the time, make fun of me as if I can't feel what they are doing/saying. To my fellow people who got/is getting bullied. Don't think LESS of yourself just because some rude people tell you that you're not worth it. YOU ARE! Every piece of you is worth it! Your hair, your nose, your eyes, your voice, your 'bulges', your everything! You are here because Somebody up there saw how important your presence to the world will be. Don't let some immature mortal to take that away from you. Just think that one day, in the future, you'd get yourself in the perfect place. That one day, you will rise like a skyscraper, climb to the highest mountain, be president of a country and prove to them and mostly to yourself that YOU ARE worth it (even though you probably are even before you get those things). Ignore the haters and surround yourself with people you love and who love you. Go on with your life, ca...

It's midnight and apparently I found myself across an old photo of mine 3 years ago from highschool that was posted by a highschool batchmate (3 years ago as well). I knew from the moment I opened that tab that this is going to turn into something ugly, and bang! There I saw the rude comments those people threw at me  Ofcourse, I've read the comments in the past and I ignored it over and over again until such time that I accidentally stumbled upon it and reread the comments once more. It still stings. It hurts how people would just throw nasty comments at you just to amuse themselves without even thinking of how you feel and stuff. It's sad to know that you are made as a laughing stock, as if you were the board that people throw darts on..  I didn't ever imagine that what they did to me was bullying. Ofcourse I saw it as rude, hurtful and nasty stuff, but I didn't really think it was bullying. Maybe because of the presence of my close high school buddies back...

I really dislike the fact that 2012 started quite badly for me. I came back to school with looaaaaadddddssss of difficult things to do, grades are in the verge of falling waaaaaay below my standards, a thesis paper to start, prepare for my travel to another province for my pschiatric ward exposure, and my whole family is feeling sick -.-  The year started off with my left ear aching like crazy last January 1 accompanied by a fever. My mom isn't doing so well either, my brother has frequent stomach aches and my dad has the fever. What a way to start the new year. Oh well, I hope this doesn't go on for the rest of the year, I pray to God. Make us healthy again Lord and keep us that way for a loooong time :)

It's officially 2012 here in the Philippines, 2:40am to be exact :) Gosh, I never expected 2011 to be over in such a short amount of time. Overall, the year was pretty good to me. Despite the appearances of some difficult and arduous waves of problems, I managed to surf over them with the help of God :) Nothing really unique happened in 2011 for me, I wasn't able to travel to a new place, didn't even know how to drive, not having a boyfriend. It's like the same old me all throughout the year. Oh wait. I did have a wonderful one-of-a-kind experience. I got to know the CIMORELLI band and my beloved CimFam! That is one very big blessing that God gave to me last 2011 :) I cannot be more pleased and grateful for the opportunity to meet such beautiful, caring, sweet, lovable, talented and extraordinary people. And one more thing that I'm grateful of is the year-round peace and understanding that enveloped my family, good health and sound mind :) I look forward to ...