The last time I wrote in here was in the car-wreck that is 2020. Has a lot changed since then? Not really. Minutely, I guess. I still am working in the same hospital, same department, with roughly the same people. No new updates on my love life either. On the other hand, the cases of COVID 19 has dwindled down as of late, and things have been slowly getting back to pre-pandemic days . Health-wise though? That's where things have gone a whole lot sketchier. I really just could not catch a break. In a few week's time, I will know whether or not I actually have cancer. Huh. How do I feel about that? I can't say I am 100% shocked, to be honest. I've always had this inkling that I'd die young. I remembered telling one of my bestfriends back in the day (we were around 15/16ish), that yes, I had a feeling I wouldn't make it past 40.. or 30 even. Of course, I never thought about it too much, but somehow, it just makes me think. I have always been right about things ...
I know. I know it's been months since I've tapped my little brain out and bleed into these blog pages. And this time, I won't even be bothered to attempt to make an excuse, it's just that life happened. Life, in a sense that my entire 2018 was such a big pain in the ass from beginning to end. It was such a hard year for me physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually -- it was just a big disaster and at one point, I honestly thought it wasn't going to get better. But it did. Slowly. Unnoticeable. Subtle. It did. 2019 started out quite ordinarily. I had nothing in my mind when the year began, didn't even plan anything to begin with. I was just set on living life on the day, not bothered by what the future could bring, not imagining where my life would take me next. I was just merely existing because I had to. It began as mundane as it could be, to the point that I actually began asking the universe for a plot twist, a "thrill", a rollercoaster ride....
Wow. That fast huh? I mean, just one? One entry since 2019 started? Guess I have been extremely busy with life and all the shenanigans this job has given me thus far, not that I have any other engagements besides my job. I mean, if anything, my life revolves around my job since March to be honest. And before you go off with the entire lecture of healthy "work/life" balance, save me the grief because I am fully aware of how unhealthy my life has been. I still am trying to figure out a routine (HA. Routine my ass, I have changing shifts every week) and how to get around things in order to re-accommodate workouts, meal preps, and societal obligations into my life. Anyway, let's back track a little bit. Last entry, I talked about processing something. And process I did. I really didn't have to process that much, I was just a little careful about saying things prematurely, since I wanted to be sure of how I feel about it and I wasn't just making use of my copi...
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