The last time I wrote in here was in the car-wreck that is 2020. Has a lot changed since then? Not really. Minutely, I guess. I still am working in the same hospital, same department, with roughly the same people. No new updates on my love life either. On the other hand, the cases of COVID 19 has dwindled down as of late, and things have been slowly getting back to pre-pandemic days . Health-wise though? That's where things have gone a whole lot sketchier. I really just could not catch a break. In a few week's time, I will know whether or not I actually have cancer. Huh. How do I feel about that? I can't say I am 100% shocked, to be honest. I've always had this inkling that I'd die young. I remembered telling one of my bestfriends back in the day (we were around 15/16ish), that yes, I had a feeling I wouldn't make it past 40.. or 30 even. Of course, I never thought about it too much, but somehow, it just makes me think. I have always been right about things ...
Wow. That fast huh? I mean, just one? One entry since 2019 started? Guess I have been extremely busy with life and all the shenanigans this job has given me thus far, not that I have any other engagements besides my job. I mean, if anything, my life revolves around my job since March to be honest. And before you go off with the entire lecture of healthy "work/life" balance, save me the grief because I am fully aware of how unhealthy my life has been. I still am trying to figure out a routine (HA. Routine my ass, I have changing shifts every week) and how to get around things in order to re-accommodate workouts, meal preps, and societal obligations into my life. Anyway, let's back track a little bit. Last entry, I talked about processing something. And process I did. I really didn't have to process that much, I was just a little careful about saying things prematurely, since I wanted to be sure of how I feel about it and I wasn't just making use of my copi...
I've made one mistake, they tell me I can't undo. Just one wrong choice, and my life will forever be skewed. I cannot follow excellence if my heart's not in it, So listen please, oh no- I think my time has ended. Yes, I chose Nursing on my own. But I made the wrong choice, they pushed me on. Saying I have to finish because I started this, Closing all my options, disregarding my lists. They already have it in their minds, What I'll be, my job, pushing my own voice aside. They already envisioned me as a nurse, Well, have they thought about my heart and it's voice? I think about my dream, of my heart's deepest desire, With pens and papers, passion's lighting like fire. But then I have to stop and halt my train of thoughts, Because I will never have that life -- forever in sought. Writers -- underappreciated, underpaid, not in demand. Nurses abroad, payrolls, big cash on hand. Big house, cars, tours and travels, The...
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