For I am a dreamer...

I know it has been quite a while, my apologies. Truth is, I forgot about this. Maybe because I was so busy graduating college, prepping up for my licensure exam and yada yada. But, alas. Here I am once again. What changed? A LOT! I don't even know where to begin! Let's start off with how much I weigh (or how much I lost. I guess I've shredded a total of 50lbs since I last wrote. And I'm very happy with how things fell into place with my life.  Although, I could still wish for some more, I highly think I don't deserve it to be honest. I've been blessed with so much more than I freakin' deserve. And I'm now 20 years old. Haha. No longer a teenager, freer as I've never been before but utterly confused with life. I don't know. I guess I'm just having a developmental crisis -- time when you start questioning what'd you do with life and where would you go. It gives me one painful headache from time to time, but I learned to just take a deep bre...

So, a couple of hours ago, I woke up with a big grin on my face because I dreamed about her --   my angel . She was tugging at my leg, with her dark brown hair in piggy tails and she looks at me with those big brown eyes as she purred Mommy, mommy . It was by far the best dream I ever had, really. And just to clarify things, no I'm not pregnant and never was and never tried to be. Haha! It's just that I am really anticipating the joys of motherhood. I know I'm too young and I still have a lot of things in store for me, but she  just melts my heart. Eversince I was a child, I always had this thing with babies. I vividly remember how much I wanted to take those babies shown in commercials and snatch them out of the telly, how my toddler heart just wants a little baby, how my little arms stretched open if I met a baby. I also remember how my little heart actually flutters when I hear somebody's pregnant in the family and I remembered how I forced myself to babysit inf...

Exactly 8:12 in the evening on the 4th of May. I cannot formulate a decent train of thought at this very moment since I ingested a wee bit of alcohol a while ago. :p I'm not tipsy nor drunk but I have a wee bit of a headache. So, I went for a simple celebration with just seven precious friends of mine. I am not really fond of having a lot of people over. I love small, quality time with the people I truly love. So, my birthday went really great in the context of my own standard of  "great". Here are my 19th year goals: As I say goodbye to my 18th, I will bury with it my feelings and thoughts for someone whom I really did give my heart to for 5 years, despite not having anything in return.  I realized "We" can never happen, and I think I waited for enough time for us to be "us", but I guess it never was meant to be. And he has someone now, and I think he is really happy. So there's no use for hoping and I really need to get on with...

It's playing inside my head, the moment I will meet you. Will it be in the beach? In an office? In a mall? In a concert? I don't know. I hardly know anything about it. My guess is as good as finding a needle in a haystack. I don't know who you are. I don't even know if we've met already , or we've bumped into each other or just walked right pass each other. The pang of loneliness that life gives me often makes me giddy and impatient to finally look in your eyes. Everytime I read about love, sing about love, write about love, there's this wretched feeling of incompleteness enveloping me and I can't help but pray that I'd be meeting you sooner. It's arduous, waiting for you. Even more arduous not knowing who you are. It's agonizing. But I have faith in God, that you'll arrive in the right time. Although sometimes though, I push myself too hard on Him and just tell Him that I'm ready for a relationship, but then again, He doesn...

I'm more than grateful for my life. Yes, I admit. I can be a total whiner sometimes. I whine about the littlest of things, like how I don't have this and that, of how I don't have a boyfriend, of how I ended up with what and things. Oh yeah. But yesterday gave me a time to recollect. A time to take a look at my life and stop whining, instead, I started to become even more thankful. Yesterday was spent with my ever-dearest close friends. I'm not usually the type of girl who loves to go out and hang out. I am an introvert who loves to stay at home and endlessly cuddle with my computer the whole day. But I strayed from my usual routine yesterday. I don't know why really, but I just felt this thing inside me that made me want to go out and have fun with my girls. I spent the whole afternoon at a close friend's house, and then came back to have another friend for a sleepover. And seeing her asleep right now is sending multitudes of gratitude inside me. You se...

I'm not going back to him. It's not because I hate him but mainly because I've gotten to know myself more. I've grown. And finally because I have dreams, bigger than my dreams being with him. And whether he responds or not, it doesn't even matter. Cause I'm already gone... Nevertheless, I wanna thank him for an experience so unique. He is my childhood friend/sweetheart. I don't know if he still can remember though. We went to the same schools together, we transferred to the same school on the same year. Practically like twins, I must say. And I became a teen and my stupid (not to mention dysfunctional) hormones went into frenzy and made the butterflies in my stomach nuts when I saw him. In short, it made my heart fall for him. HARD. For 5 years. Unrequited love, yeah. But it's okay, maybe we weren't really meant to be together. Just friends. I finally am able to accept it, after 5 loooooong years. I now have dreams bigger and better than yo...

If the sun refuses to shine, I'll be there. If the rain refuses to fall,I'll be there. I'll be there through it all. Life isn't fair, it's not designed to be. Life is unpredictable as it can be. I'll be there through it all. Love can be sweet, warm if it goes good. Love can be tormenting if it goes otherwise. I'll be there through it all. Friends may come, friends may go. Friends laugh with you, friends cry with you. I'll be there through it all. If you feel down and troubled with thoughts, If life treats you poorly, I'll be there through it all. If you're feeling happy and dandy, And want someone to share it with, I'll be there through it all. Live life my darling, live life good! Live life confident, live life as you should! I'll be there through it all. I'll be there through it all. I will be... (Spun in less than 5 minutes! Oh, the trouble I create when I'm bored!)